Trump: Coal Safe to Eat, Drink and Make Sweet, Sweet Love to
In an executive order issued early today, President Donald Trump encouraged all Americans to embrace the fossil fuel known as coal, which, as he tweeted at 2:34 a.m., is a healthy source of everything. Outside its obvious use for generating electricity, the miracle substance can also be sautéed, broiled or fried -- or even liquefied and consumed as an energy beverage, tweeted the commander-in-chief.
In addition, according to the executive order, the black, combustible sedimentary rock can be converted to a powder and sprinkled into the marital bed to spice up tired romance.
"I promise you, you'll absolutely love it. It's the best thing for America. Sprinkle it on your toast, rub it on your body... If you miss out... sad!"